Funkenstein's Monster: A Definitive* Review of the Discography** of 80s Europop Group Dschinghis Khan***
*Entirely my opinion **The songs currently on their YouTube at the time of writing ***The first one (I'll explain later)
It's 1979, and Ralph Siegel, prolific producer of 'Schlager music', is on a mission to win Eurovision.
This was something he has twice tried and failed to do, but this time he had a plan - and it was a good one:
He was going to copy someone else's homework.
But, as with all good homework copying, he needed to change it a little bit.
ABBA seemed like a good starting point, after they had dominated the '74 competition, and Boney M's eternal hit 'Rasputin' had come out just a year before. The ingredients were clear:
Two women, two men - couples if possible
A song about a historical figure - Russian if possible
A very dancy prancy frontman - in fancy dress if possible
The best Ralph could do was one married couple, so he balanced it out by throwing two extra guys into the mix.
Rasputin was already taken, and it's quite difficult to write a catchy song about Ivan the Terrible...but Genghis Khan is sort of Russian? That direction anyway.
Amazing. Dress up our dancer like the big GK and also name the song and band after him, too. Done.
There you have it. The perfect Eurovision act. Surely, there's no way this could fail!
That's it. Story over. Dschinghis Khan is dead.
Right?
RIGHT?
Maybe Ralph just felt he'd sunk too much into this Frankenstein's Monster of a band to give up now. Maybe the experiment had exceeded his expectations à la 'Monster Mash'.
Whatever the reason, the Khan rode on - embarking on a mildly successful and frequently quite surreal career which eventually (sort of) fizzled out in the mid-80s.
Roughly 40 years later, the band began quietly releasing their music on YouTube, which I first stumbled across while locked down in my childhood bedroom through the pandemic.
With time on my hands, I plunged into the rabbit hole.
As rabbit holes go, it's a good one. And, in order for that not to feel like a massive waste of time, I'm going to take you with me.
But first, let's rewind a bit...
Siegel's putting together a team, and he wants the best.
Anyway here's who he got:
Louis Hendrik Potgieter
Louis Hendrik Potgieter is a Europop powerhouse.
Yes, he looks nothing like Genghis Khan. Yes, he was born on the opposite side of the planet in Pretoria, South Africa.
But, my god, does he have the moves.
He's sometimes credited as the lead singer, but he's often not even given a microphone as it would only hinder him as he flings himself around the room like gravity is just a serving suggestion.
Wolfgang Heichel
Wolfgang Heichel is a story of outlasting all competition.
In 1979 he's easily the boringest member of the band, looking like at least 40% of the dads waiting outside a primary school at pickup time, and only ever giving the dance moves a half-hearted go.
Today, he's an actual cultural envoy to Mongolia. The real Mongolia. The country.
Whack.
Henriette Strobel
Henriette Strobel was Henriette Heichel at the time, giving the band a little bit of that ABBA flavour.
They really committed to the bit too, and got divorced a few years later. That's dedication.
Along with her bandmate, Edina, she packs most of the vocal oomph and is always solid on the routines - underappreciated, is the vibe I get.
Justice for Henriette.
Steve Bender
Karl-Heinz Bender is an elusive creature.
He left the band just a couple years after its formation, and only appears in a few of the songs, giving him a real air of mystery.
What is going on in that head? Where did he come from? Where did he go?
Why did he decide to change his name to Steve?
The world may never know.
Edina Pop
In what is a textbook case of nominative determinism, Edina was quite literally born for this.
The Frida to Henriette's Agnetha, she makes up the other half of the duo doing most of the vocal heavy lifting.
Again, underappreciated by the community.
Leslie Mándoki
Which brings us to Leslie.
The rest of the members of Dschinghis Khan had been some flavour of singer, dancer, or performer who had recently emigrated to West Germany for opportunity or to further their careers in music.
Leslie's reasons were a little different.
In 1975, Leslie (along with a handful of others including the future creator of the Rugrats, Gábor Csupó) was forced to flee his native Hungary to avoid persecution by the communist authorities for being part of the student opposition - something he had already been imprisoned for seventeen times.
He apparently expressed uncertainty about membership in Dschinghis Khan as he preferred rock music, but I'm glad he took the job for one very simple reason:
He gives the dance routines just as much (if not more) effort and passion as Potgieter, but he is SO much worse. It's a joy to watch.
2022 - The Archives Are Cracked
In 2022, something happened.
Whoever runs the official Dschinghis Khan YouTube (which is unclear, I'll explain later) decided that it was time to turn on the taps.
More than 40 years after it was released, Dschinghis Khan music has been steadily uploaded in surprising HD with very little fanfare, and with diligent attention to detail.
Specific TV appearances are documented, dated to the day they aired. Songs appear three or four times on the channel depending on how many different times the band performed them.
This isn't just a few music videos, this is an archive. This is an effort to preserve history.
There is real passion here.
So let's run through these badboys and reduce them down to a rating out of 5.
Dschinghis Khan - Dschinghis Khan (ZDF Starparade 14/06/1979)
The Rasputin rip-off that started it all. Telling the story of the titular conqueror, and getting it pretty historically accurate in the process (mostly because the lyrics keep it to very broad strokes).
The performance, though, is packed full of what will become hallmarks of the early Dschinghis Khan era:
They don't bother giving Louis Potgieter a microphone so he's free to go nuts (and he does)
A significant portion of the lyrics are just laughing or going 'Hoo, Ha'
The dawn of THIS dance move 👇
But overall, this a young, unpolished Dschinghis Khan.
The whole group just sings together throughout the entire song, Potgieter looks like he's been given very little direction and has just been told to jump around a lot and, particularly if you don't speak German, the whole song sounds very same-y.
It's catchy, it's got a lil something something to it, it's very Eurovision - but they can do better. And they do.
4/5
Moskau (ZDF Disco 17/09/1979)
Clearly, the band had invested quite heavily into the Genghis costume, so their second hit is basically a re-do with a new coat of paint. And it's fantastic.
Moskau takes Dschinghis Khan (the song) and fulfils what I imagine was the original vision.
The sing-laughing is back, and Potgieter's dancing now feels like there's real direction to the energy. The others also have a real routine now that isn't just swaying from side to side. There's footwork. Difficult footwork. And, by and large, everyone hits the beats clean.
The singing's gone up a notch too, making use of the lads to provide quite an ominously deep male choir sound at the start, and giving Heichel, Mándoki and Bender their own little bridge section near the end.
This song was my first exposure to the band (in a much higher quality video that unfortunately seems to have vanished from the internet) and I think it's potentially peak Khan - the full band is here, and they all seem to have their hearts in it.
For a song that's basically just saying that Moscow is a fun city to drink in, it's difficult not to get hooked. It's seriously catchy in a very cheesy way.
Definitely the potential to come at least 3rd in Eurovision here. Maybe.
4.5/5
Rocking Son Of Dschinghis Khan (Musikladen 18/10/1979)
If Moskau is peak Dschinghis Khan, Rocking Son is the Mariana Trench.
It's a classic tale of teenage rebellion - Genghis wants his son to take over the family business, but his son just wants to rock out and play the drums.
It's a great premise, but the execution is a shocking misuse of the band's talents - like trying to start a fire by rubbing two lighters together.
Louis, in full Genghis getup, is sat at the back of the stage for the majority of the song. He has a couple of singing lines right at the end, and gets to do a couple of jumpy moves, but that's it.
Steve and Wolfgang, taking on the roles of the traditionalists within the Mongol court (presumably) mostly just stand there and chant a bit. Steve in particular frequently looks like he would rather be literally anywhere else.
Leslie is admittedly clearly having a fantastic time as the Rocking Son himself (complete with 'Rock Roll' written in glitter across his chest), but it comes across a bit more like a Horrible Histories joke than anything else.
(Except that Horrible Histories wouldn't make such a dog's breakfast of the actual history - I'm sorry, Genghis, 13th century Mongolian Emperor, you want your son to do the kazachok? The 16th century Ukrainian dance? Unbelievable)
It's not all bad though:
The girls go crazy in this. It's like someone told Edina and Henriette to stop holding back and operate at their full power and they put all the guys to absolute shame in singing, dancing, enthusiasm, the works
There's a pretty good joke about Genghis Khan not knowing who Ringo Starr is
Researching Genghis Khan's real family led me to rediscover his grandson was called 'Möngke' which is objectively funny
Overall, it's a pretty weak entry that shows a lack of awareness of the group's own strengths, and more solidly confirms a 'everything East of here is all the same' viewpoint in the songwriting that isn't surprising given the time period, but is a bit disappointing. You can do better than this, Ralph.
2/5 (the two being Edina and Henriette)
Hadschi Halef Omar (Starparade 07/02/1980)
I didn't know who Hadschi Halef Omar was, and I kind of wish I hadn't found out.
He's not a real historical figure, it turns out. Instead, he's the 'exceedingly loyal servant' of a 19th century fictional German explorer/adventurer, think Lawrence of Arabia but written by a Victorian.
The Wikipedia page for Omar sums up the character pretty succinctly with:
"...while comical, he is always dignified, never just ridiculous caricature."
Followed by an absolutely deafening:
[citation needed]
In terms of cultural sensitivity - we're on shaky ground here.
Coincidentally, the Wikipedia page also mentions the song, accurately summing it up with "The entire chorus is basically reciting Halef's name."
Despite all this, I can't deny it's unfortunately kind of a bop.
3/5
Rom (Michael Schanze Show 22/05/1980)
Rom is boring.
The band looks bored. The audience looks bored. I'm bored. You're probably bored.
The song is rubbish.
It's presented as a love letter to the city of Rome, covering its history from the early Roman Empire to the modern (1980) capital of Italy.
In practice, it's basically just 5 people singing the word 'Rom' over and over again.
The song constantly sounds like it's about to kick up a gear and get better - and then it ends.
Shortly after the release of this song, and the album of the same name, Steve Bender quit the band. In the absence of better information, I'm going to assume it's because of this utterly sauceless display.
What's deeper than the Mariana Trench?
1/5
Pistolero (Die Pyramide 26/01/1981)
It's a new post-Steve era, and it's off to a phenomenal start.
Pistolero is, and I don't say this lightly, a masterpiece.
Telling the harrowing tale of a boy who grows up to become a roaming gunslinger hell-bent on revenge after the murder of his parents, this is Dschinghis Khan at their best.
Because they are visibly loving it.
Louis is moving his hips in ways that bones shouldn't allow and the whole band are giving maybe their best vocal performance yet, both individually and as an ensemble.
This is also the best example of Leslie Mándoki screwing up almost every single dance move, but doing it with such passion and enthusiasm that you can't help but be charmed by it. Feet in the wrong place, looking the wrong way, hip mobility of a canoe - it doesn't matter.
He gets it wrong better than I could ever get it right.
I am slightly gutted that Steve missed out on what is my personal favourite DK performance, but it does mean that the group is finally symmetrical.
5/5
Loreley (Show-Express 04/06/1981)
Loreley was a pretty big hit for the band, and it's a massive shame.
The song is the first real hint at the group moving away from their disco/Europop roots towards a more traditional German folk-song kind of music.
For what it is, it's fine.
But it's like Dschinghis Khan turned down to about 4.
There's no outrageous costumes, no one's dancing like they get charged every time their feet touch the ground, no one's playing a character - they're just singing.
And they're good singers! Once again, Henriette and Edina are doing most of the heavy lifting, but the boys give a good performance too. And they're all fairly into it, clearly enjoying doing what they're good at.
But it could be a song from anyone. It's got no identity. It's got nothing that makes Dschinghis Khan what it is.
Leslie even gets most of the dance moves right. What's the point?
3/5
Wir sitzen alle im selben Boot (Hitparade 11/01/1982)
Wir sitzen alle im selben Boot (We Are All in the Same Boat) is when Dschinghis Khan finally lost all its identity - and I think I know why.
Wir sitzen alle im selben Boot is re-unification propaganda.
In 1982, Germany was still split between East and West, and wouldn't reunify for another 8 years - Ralph Siegel clearly felt that he had the power to do something about it.
So he did the only thing he could...
...he wrote a song that sounds like a nursery rhyme.
That'll sort it out.
The result is a complete white bread with mayonnaise sandwich of a song where the band cheerily tells you that you're special to a slow, jaunty tune.
Weirdly, it also includes a strange little 'fact check' on their very first song, claiming that Genghis Khan 'in reality' only had three children.
Which is, like, very very not true.
He had at least seven, that we know of, and probably a bunch more we don't know about because of the whole 'scourge of Eurasia' thing.
The entire lyrics read like the grumblings of an old man.
It doesn't make for great listening. I would like to be in a different boat, please.
1/5
Klabautermann (Na, sowas! 29/03/1982)
As I write this, 'Klabautermann' is the last and latest song uploaded from the archives, and this performance in particular is, I think, a pretty perfect snapshot of a Eurovision band that refused to stop and quickly lost its way.
The song, while a little bit of a backtrack from the boyscout campfire song that was 'Boot', is still pretty folky and not their best.
It's about a Klabautermann, a mythical 'water kobold' known for assisting sailors and fisherman lost at sea, described as a "merry and diligent creature, with an expert understanding of most watercraft, and an irrepressible musical talent."
Which is nice.
But it's the performance itself I find interesting.
For one, they just seem to be in someone's living room.
There are literally people sat on armchairs trying to dodge stray dance moves. If there was a reason for this, like some sort of 80s Ant and Dec 'surprise! you're on the telly!' kind of thing, it's lost to time.
Today, it's a pretty good metaphor for the writing being so firmly on the wall it's bleeding through to next door.
Secondly, Wolfgang has decided to give the acting performance of his life at the absolute eleventh hour of the band. He's suddenly gone from dependable background character to someone who really, really wants this.
Whatever 'this' is.
Overall, not their best, not their worst - but a very weird, silly, and therefore quite fitting end to the story of the first incarnation of Dschinghis Khan.
3/5
Mexico (Die Pyramide 10/08/1985)
Hey so ignore what I said previously about Klabautermann being the latest song on the channel, I just went to check and spotted this, and I'm not going to go back and rewrite that. Every time I'm close to finishing this article they release another recording and this thing gets longer and longer.
Honestly, if you're still reading, well done, but your lunch break is definitely over.
Anyway, 'Mexico' is an attempt to do to 'Pistolero' what 'Moskau' did to 'Dschinghis Khan'.
The song, not the band.
Still following?
But where 'Moskau' was a story of the band finding their feet and producing an objectively better and more coherent version of their earlier work, 'Mexico' doesn't hold a candle to 'Pistolero'.
That's not opinion, that's a fact.
The song's not bad, and shows off some vocal range for the men that they'd never attempted before with some serious high notes - but it's just lacking the magic.
Potgieter is once again not given a microphone to free him up to bust his moves, but he mainly just broodingly walks around the stage, throws his hat up in the air a few times, and occasionally shares fleeting moments of sexual tension with Mándoki that you could cut with a knife.
The pizazz is in there, and there's flashes of it, but that's it.
In the wardrobe department, the 80s have hit the band like a shovel.
Perms, big belts, even a cropped leather waistcoat - it's like they suddenly got the memo that they were halfway through the decade and overcompensated.
Overall, it's a band on its last legs.
No one's heart seems to be in it anymore, singing with the energy of the Wednesday night act at a Butlins, performing to a toddler, a bartender and a dad who's watching the football in the corner.
Even Leslie is struggling to keep up his usual hair flicks and air grabs.
Siegel had been using them as his personal music factory for the last few years, producing the soundtrack to his latest musical - 'Corrida'.
And they're visibly tired.
In fact, Wolfgang and Henriette were nearing their divorce at this point.
But instead of a Fleetwood Mac-style all-time peak borne from the pain and the emotion of the breakdown of a long and intimate relationship - we got this.
A song about how Mexico is nice.
3.5/5
The End ?
And so ends the story of Dschinghis Khan, the band that didn't win Eurovision and probably should have stopped then, but didn't.
In late 1985, the group finally splits.
Edina Pop pursued a successful solo career.
Leslie Mándoki became a prominent music producer, working with some pretty huge names from Phil Collins to Lionel Richie.
Wolfgang Heichel and Henriette Strobel got divorced, though they'd continue to collaborate in their musical careers.
And Louis Hendrik Potgieter returned to South Africa, where he tragically died in 1994.
But, much like the real Mongol Empire, these things don't just vanish.
They shatter.
Fast forward to 2021, and Ralph Siegel is suing Wolfgang Heichel.
Through various reunions, tributes and reformations over the years, both men now claim to have full ownership of the 'Dschinghis Khan' name.
In fact, Strobel, Pop and a producer called Heinz Gross (great name) also have a claim to the rights.
Today, there are two separate bands simultaneously claiming to be the successor to the original, both containing surviving original members (and a whole host of new ones), and both performing around the world under the DK name.
In total, 20 different people have performed as part of a band called Dschinghis Khan - just not necessarily in the same one.
Leslie Mándoki has, wisely, stayed out of it.
